Four Ways to Dance With Your Demons…and Even Become Friends With Them
We all have our demons.
The side of us we wish was different. The side that gets mad. The side that gets depressed. The side that gets anxious.
Guess what? It’s normal.
The real problems start when we get mad about being mad, or sad about being sad, or scared about being scared. When we make things twice as bad by rejecting ourselves over completely natural emotions that everyone feels.
One of the most important life lessons I have learned (albeit slowly and painfully) is to accept these emotions as a natural part of my human experience. To sit with them. To observe and accept them. To listen to them.
I have decided to take it one step further.
I have decided to dance with my demons.
Looking back, all of the most significant gifts I have received in my life were borne from a place of darkness.
- If it weren’t for stagnation, I wouldn’t have started to write.
- If it weren’t for loneliness, I wouldn’t have my wife and children.
- If it weren’t for sadness, I wouldn’t have started practicing gratitude.
- If it weren’t for anxiety and stress, I wouldn’t have learned how to meditate.
- If it weren’t for feeling stuck, I wouldn’t have started working harder on myself.
- If it weren’t for frustration and anger, I wouldn’t have been open to learning about Stoicism.
Learning to embrace our darkness is the only way through it.
Here are 4 ways to dance with your demons, and maybe even become friends with them:
- Go With Your SECOND Impression — Your first reaction is typically the “normal” human response. If something scary happens, we get scared. If something frustrating happens, we get frustrated. It’s natural. Where things go sideways is when we double-down on that initial reaction. So instead of continuing to go down the path of your first impression, give it time to pass. Then go with your second impression.
- Create the Space — To get to our second impression, we need to create a space between stimulus and response. It’s not always easy. We have to do it with purpose and intention. When something happens, we need to pause. We need to “dance” with the stimulus and find a healthy response. Mindfulness meditation (or Vipassana) is the most powerful practice I have found to help create that space.
- Find the Gift — It can be hard to find the good in negative emotions. But it is there. Be patient and be inquisitive when they come to visit. They are often a signal telling you exactly what you need to do, or what you need to work on.
- Be Objective — It’s funny,when we feel physical pain we say we HAVE it. “I have a headache.” But when we feel emotional pain we say we ARE it. “I am sad.” Be objective with emotional pain like you are with physical pain. Say “I have sadness.” This will help put some objective distance between you and the emotion.
These days, when my demons come to visit in the form of negative emotions…I don’t run away from them. I don’t fight them. I dance with them. I listen to them. I learn their lessons. I give the sun time to shine from behind the clouds.
Our greatest weaknesses can become our greatest strengths.
Our darkest emotions can lead us to the brightest places. But only when we accept them, give them space, learn their lessons.
And dance with them.
